For example, an elaborate lie might be, “I’m late because when I got onto I-70, it was so backed up that I had to reverse all the way down the entrance ramp and I ended up taking country roads instead. ” A simple version of that lie would be, “Traffic was pretty backed up on I-70. ” The simplicity of the lie can show that you don’t have any other details to add to it.
If you use someone else in your lie, be sure to tell them. Some people may not appreciate being part of your lie. If you are planning a lie ahead of time, at least talk to the person and see if they are willing to cover for you, as opposed to telling them after you already used them in a lie.
Be critical of your own lie and see if it seems reasonable. Don’t use only your own judgment but think about if the person you are lying to will find it reasonable. For example, telling your wife that a bird flew in the house and broke her lamp is not a plausible lie. Telling her you stumbled over the dog and knocked the lamp over is more plausible.
It is easier to express real emotion when you tell the truth than it is when you lie. If you emphasize the true part you can mask your emotions. For example, you stayed out late with a group of friends that included your ex-girlfriend Holly. Tell your current girlfriend, “I was hanging out with Carl, Stacy, and Steve. ” It’s true that you were with those people, but you’re lying about Holly being there, too.
If the person you are lying to is already upset or suspicious, they are more likely to be critical of the lie you offer. If they have not thought of the situation yet, they may be more likely to accept what you say without further questions. If you go see your friend’s band and they sound terrible, go up to them after the set and say, “You guys rocked!” before they have a chance to ask you about it.
If you have time to plan the lie out, write it down first. If you lie spontaneously, write down who you lied to and what you said. If the lie is time sensitive and will go away, you may not have to keep track of the paper you wrote the lie on for very long. If the consequences of the lie are long term, you’ll need to put the paper somewhere safe. Writing helps you make things clear and remember them. Even if you immediately throw the paper away, writing can help you establish the lie in your mind.
When you are lying on the spot, you may not have the chance to practice your lie. You can repeat what you said later on so you remember exactly how you lied. If you have time to practice the lie ahead of time, you can recite it in different ways to find the best delivery of the lie.
This is like saying the lie to yourself in a mirror, but saying it to a mirror is actually more distracting. Taking a video of yourself will help you see whether your delivery looked convincing or not. If your delivery is believable, watch the video a few times to memorize the wording and presentation of the lie.
You have to find a balance between too little eye contact and too much. If you stare at the person without looking away you will seem as suspicious as if you never meet their eyes.
You need to take account of whether or not you are in a close enough relationship with the person to initiate physical touch with them. In many situations, this won’t be the case.
The fact that the voice pitch rises during a lie is somewhat common knowledge, so people may be listening for it if they suspect you of lying. You can even speak slightly lower than you normally would to balance out the tendency to go higher. Also pay attention to your tone and volume so that it is appropriate to the situation. Don’t speak with a cheerful tone if you need to sound sorry or a serious tone if your lie should sound encouraging.
It will take practice, but find the balance between an answer that is too short and one that is too long. Both can seem suspicious.
For example, say “I don’t know,” as opposed to, “I am not entirely sure. ”
You will usually gain some credibility back with the person by admitting it rather than lying again. Learn from your mistakes and try to avoid them the next time you need to lie about something. This may seem counterintuitive, but you will soon find that a huge amount of weight will be lifted from you, and you won’t have to keep in your lie.
The person may not accept your explanation or may say it does not make sense or is not good enough. Do not argue, but affirm to them that you stand by your reasoning, even if it ended up being wrong.
The things you need to fix may not be problems as much as strained relationships. You may need to do some emotional work to show your remorse and make up for the lie.
