Does your “friend” ever call or text to hear about your day? Or does he or she only run to you when in need something? It could be a ride to the store, cigarettes, a bit of weed, a place to stay for the night, you’re their fall guy when in need of a quick fix. Take note of whether this is a continued pattern of behavior. After all, helping out friends is a part of friendship; sometimes people get down on their luck and need help. But, if this is occurring all of the time, or it is the only context where you interact, then it is possible you are being used.
Think about her relationship with her other friends. Does your friend betray the trust of his or her other friends or otherwise use them? If so, this is a sign that that your friend could be using you as well.
Keep in mind that friends do not need to invite each other to every social event that they attend; but if your friend never invites you to anything, and only reaches out when in need of something, your friend could be using you. If your friend mentions having plans with a group of friends that you also know, but you have not been invited, try asking if you can come too. Pay attention to the response. If there are no real logistical reasons why you could not attend and your friend still does not invite you, or makes up some flaky excuse for why you cannot attend, it is possible you are being used and this friend is not genuine. An example of a legitimate logistical concern would be if your friends were going camping but there was no more space in the car for you.
Here’s an example where your friend could be using you: You take your friend out to dinner a few times because he or she was upset about something. Your friend promises to return the favor but then never does and continues to complain about the problem you were helping your friend with. If this goes on and on, your friend may be using you. Ask yourself whether your friend is grateful. Does your friend seem genuinely appreciative when you help him or her out? If so, maybe your friend is not using you but just really is in need of some friendly aid. If your friend doesn’t seem to care much when you help, this could be a sign of taking advantage of you.
Ask yourself whether you would have helped your friend if she or he did not try to make you feel guilty or feel bad about the situation. If the answer is yes, then maybe you are not being used but instead are being helpful. [7] X Research source
To assess whether your friend is controlling, consider the following: Controlling people often have tempers and use them to get their way. They may use other emotions, too, such as guilt, or sadness to get you to do their bidding. Be sure to watch for signs of emotional manipulation as it is a clear sign that someone is being controlling. [9] X Research source Your friend may try to isolate you so that you have less outside social support and are more likely to give in and do as demanded. Your friend may attempt to accomplish this by criticizing your other friends and family in an attempt to get you to spend less time with them. [10] X Research source
Assess your friend’s character. Be completely honest with yourself and ask whether your friend is deep down a good person who cares about you or whether it seems that he or she is motivated by selfish goals. Character traits include things like your friend’s level of honesty, integrity, sincerity, and trustworthiness. Think back on everything you know about your friend and his or her interactions both with you and with others. Think about how your friend behaves in relation to the aforementioned traits but also about the type of things that he or she says that relate to those traits, also. [12] X Research source For example, if your friend talks about how he or she tells people to their faces one thing then does another, there is a chance your friend is doing the same thing to you, and it is possible that you are being used.
Keep in mind that if deep down he or she is a good friend, he or she was not using you but was merely oblivious and will likely be willing to change. If your friend is using you and gets upset and you lose him or her as a friend as a result of the confrontation, that is probably for the best anyway. [14] X Research source
Try bringing up the conversation with your friend on a walk in a nice park.
If one person criticizes you for something, you may be willing to take the advice and change. If several people criticize you at the same time, you may feel threatened and get offended; after all, it means that all those people had sat around and talked negatively about you, which could be frustrating. [15] X Research source
However, do not be too nit-picky in your examples; your friend could turn the tables on you and call you petty. Make sure you speak about your friend’s actions and not his or her character. If you make it about specific actions, your friend will be less likely to get upset; if you call your friend a user, he or she may get upset and the conversation will quickly dissolve. For example, you could say something like, “I gave you rides when your car was being repaired last month. However, when my car broke down this week and I asked you for a ride to work, you ignored my request. I’ve realized that when I ask you for help you tend ignore me. "
