Types of insults can include teasing, sarcasm, and cynicism, comments that may sound like jokes, but are meant to hurt you. [2] X Research source Some insults are more subtle, like backhanded compliments (complimenting you for negative things) or guilt-tripping (where your friend blames you for their distresses and problems). [3] X Research source In many cases, your friend may try to pass these insults off as humor, and ridicule you for taking them personally. It is possible that your friend doesn’t know they are insulting you. If you are concerned, confront them. If your friend didn’t know, they may apologize right away.
This reduced communication can refer to frequency or length. You may not talk as often as you used to. Or, if you do talk, your conversations are now very short, and you find that you don’t have much to talk about. You can also see this if you are the one making an effort at communication. Friendship takes effort. If you are the only one trying to stay in touch, then your friend is probably not interested.
People change, have new interests, and new friends. If your friend appears to be doing other things with new people, then those new people probably fit in better with their new interests. If your friend is not spending more time with others, but becoming withdrawn towards everyone, that could be a sign of more serious issues, like depression. [6] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source If this might be the case, gather others, and as a group encourage your friend to seek help.
Be prepared to be conciliatory, especially if you think your friend is angry at something you may have done. Showing you are open to compromise and reconciliation encourages your friend to do the same. [7] X Research source When discussing your concerns, it is better to use “I” Statements. Don’t start your complaints with “You,” (as in “You are. . . “) which makes your opinion seem like a fact. Instead, lead with how you feel when your friend does something negative towards you (“I feel. . . “). After that, name your friend’s behavior and why it makes you feel that way. This makes your statement less accusatory. If you think you were in the wrong, but are not sure why it might be good to give an open-ended question. You want to allow them to talk, not give a simple answer to a direct question. Ask what is wrong, or what you did wrong. Be sure to give your friend some space after apologizing or asking for a response. This can be a lot to process, and you shouldn’t expect an answer right away. In some cases, it can help to take a self-inventory. Don’t be afraid to ask your friend for their radical honesty in how you can be a better friend.
Ask yourself what you think your friend meant. People don’t always know the impact of their words and actions. Bringing it to their attention can get an apology. Or, perhaps they did mean it as a personal insult, in which case you will want to think about how much you want to keep this friendship.
Signs of a toxic friendship include: asking for advice, then belittling or ignoring it; dumping their issues on you without offering support for your problems; regularly picking fights or competing with you, and never being happy with your success. In a true friendship, you and your friend will be supportive of one another, stay in regular contact, and be able to discuss disagreements respectfully and with some amicable resolution. True friendships take effort, and both of you need to be willing to put in the effort. [10] X Research source
