Say you got a new job. A friend’s backhanded compliment might sound something like, “That’s great. They don’t usually hire people with so little experience, but good for you. " Communicate gently but honestly with your friend. Use “I” statements to explain that you feel hurt rather than accusing them of being backhanded.
For example, if you got an “A” on a paper, a jealous friend might diminish it by saying, “Don’t get ahead of yourself. We still have half the semester to go. I wouldn’t get too confident yet. " If you start to feel their words affecting you, practice positive affirmations to remind yourself how great you really are.
For example, you might be excited to share some good news with them, but your friend might just roll their eyes and say, “Okay, cool. ” If your friend seems jealous, spend time with someone who celebrates your big wins. You deserve to feel appreciated, even if this friend can’t do that for you!
For example, if you tell your jealous friend you’d like to learn piano, they might say, “There’s probably no point. It’s easier to learn instruments when you’re young, so there’s no way you’d be able to master it now. ” Remind yourself that your friend can’t dictate your actions. For example, it doesn’t matter what age you study piano! It’s about having fun, not being the best.
For example, if you decided to quit your job and start your dream career, a jealous friend might say, “Are you sure that’s wise? It’s really hard to make it in that industry. ” They might try to make you feel guilty too. For example, they could say, “I don’t know, quitting your job feels irresponsible. But do what you want, I guess. ” Build your own self-confidence so you can withstand their criticism. Gently remind them that you’ve made your choice and you’re looking for support—not advice.
For example, a jealous friend might bring up how hard work has been right after you start talking about how happy you’ve been lately. If you try to suggest the solution for a jealous friend’s problems, they’ll also be quick to find reasons why that solution won’t work. Empathize with your pessimistic friend. If they’re in a bad place, it could manifest as jealousy. Remind them that you care and offer a supportive ear to see if that helps!
For example, they might say something like, “It’s just so unfair that things come so easy for you. You get all the good-paying jobs, and I am stuck in this dead-end one. " Let them vent but don’t offer advice or try to fix their problems unless they ask. Sometimes people just want to feel heard and understood.
In a conversation, they might interrupt your story about a vacation to talk about how amazing their own vacation was by comparison. They may also be overly concerned with social status. If you talk about a party you went to, they’ll brag about attending something even more exclusive. Jealous people tend to be intensely competitive, but it’s really because of their insecurities. Remind your friend that you can both celebrate one another; it’s not a competition!
For example, if you and a few friends all love a particular band, your jealous friend might suddenly start showing interest too. This can be frustrating, but you can boost their confidence by encouraging them to explore their individuality. Try saying, “I love that shirt! You’re always so chic!” or “You have great taste in movies! Got any suggestions?”
You can also analyze the things your jealous friend says to you. If they gossip about others in a mean way to you, there’s a chance they gossip about you too. Confront your friend respectfully but firmly and stick to the facts so that they can’t lie or claim you’re exaggerating. If they don’t want to fix things (or admit what they’ve done), it’s okay to walk away. Losing a friend is never easy, but it’s better than dealing with toxic jealousy in your life.
Look for other signs of insecurity. Your friend may ask for affirmations constantly and seek other people’s approval because they need to feel validated. Read their body language for signs of insecurity, too. For example, turning away, grimacing, and crossing their arms all indicate discomfort. Help your friend build self-confidence. Jealous behavior often stops when a person feels genuinely good about themselves!
If you notice this, reflect on how you might be contributing to their jealousy. Your friend may be happy things are going well for you, but it’s still hard to hear if they’re in a rough spot. Approach your friend with an open mind. Tell them you value the friendship and have noticed they seem unhappy. Then, ask if there’s any way you can help.
They might also avoid interacting with you on social media, liking and commenting on other peoples’ posts but not yours. If your friend pulls away, ask them about it and tell them you still want to be friends. Work together to salvage the friendship, but remember you also have the power to leave if you’re unhappy.
