If you find yourself dealing with fear over finding out your date is trans, read How to Deal With Transphobia and How to Respect a Transgender Person. These may help you understand what they’re going through and how they feel.
Disclosing can be very painful and even dangerous for them. This is their information to tell, when they feel safe enough with you. In short, they aren’t required to tell you, nor should they have to if they don’t want to. At any rate, they will likely tell you before intimate contact is had.
If things progress, you will eventually find out. At that point, one of two things will happen: the relationship will continue or it won’t. It is not the end of the world. Simply enjoy the person for right now; if it pans out, great. If it doesn’t, that’s okay too.
Sexuality is fluid. You may find yourself attracted to this person despite their assigned sex. That is normal and absolutely fine. Listen to your emotions and how this person makes you feel. You may find that they’re such a good person it doesn’t matter. [3] X Research source However, you can date a trans person and still be the same sexuality. It’s important to remember that transgender people are their gender. They are not “men pretending to be women”, “women pretending to be men”, or anything else. They can have any physical characteristics, and not all have the ones of their assigned gender.
All people need to be social and receive love, and most need to experience flirtation and relationships. Would you walk up to that cute girl at the bar and say, “I have serious commitment issues?” Didn’t think so. They are doing absolutely nothing wrong by being present and engaging with you. If you do not accept transgender people, mention it clearly without elaboration. [4] X Research source For example, “Just so you know, I don’t like trans/LGBT people. If that’s a dealbreaker for you, you should walk away. " This way they (and any trans allies) can walk away. Don’t elaborate on your feelings; you might really hurt them.
Think of it this way: sexual orientation involves who you want to go to bed with. Gender identity, on the other hand, involves who you go to bed as.
If the world were a more understanding place, this wouldn’t be an issue. They would likely be happy to share this aspect of their lives with you.
When you hear talk of, “There’s something you don’t know about me,” this could be a telltale sign. Comfort them, letting them know you accept them, whatever that thing is. Ask them why they’re hesitant to tell you and don’t let them drop it. You need to know for the relationship to progress from there. They’re practically there anyway. They just need a little supportive nudging.
It’s possible that you may like multiple genders. Remember that sexuality isn’t black and white. The idea that there are only men and women, straight and gay is not how human sexuality works. What’s more, there is no prize you win for being straight. Updating your self-concept may be called for in this situation. And that is more than okay.
