Do you feel like you can be yourself? People lose themselves in toxic relationships. If a friendship is becoming toxic, you may feel you have to censor yourself or your ideas, or lower your personal needs and standards. You may always feel like you’re on guard or walking on eggshells around this person. You may feel completely different around this person than you do around others. You may dislike the way you act and behave when that person is present.
Does your friend make you feel like you can’t do anything right? Your friend may, for example, always point out your flaws or demand you do things differently. You may feel like your behavior is under constant scrutiny around this person. After hanging out with this person, you may go home feeling bad about yourself. A negative friendship can adversely affect your sense of self worth. When expectations of your behavior are unreasonably high, you may begin to experience negative thoughts about yourself habitually.
After seeing this person, you may experience negative emotions. You may feel depressed, anxious, or stressed after seeing the friend. Negative emotions can manifest themselves in physical symptoms. You may feel physically tired or even notice aches and pains like a headache after being in this person’s presence.
In a negative friendship, everything may feel like it’s about the other person. Your friend may constantly talk about their own problems and be dismissive of yours. When you try to converse with the person, even casually, you may find it’s difficult to get a word in. The person may not allow you to discuss yourself and your own issues as they constantly talk about themselves.
You may make attempts to grow and change. For example, you may try to apply for a new job or expand your social circle. Instead of being supportive, a toxic friend may put down your attempts to grow. For example, when you get a new job, your friend may say something like, “Good luck, but I’m not sure you can handle that much responsibility. " You may also just get general criticism. The friend may, for example, mock your personality, your sense of style, and other aspects of yourself. You may always feel ashamed and inferior around this person.
Everyone has embarrassing moments and good friends forgive one another for indiscretions. However, a toxic friend may habitually do and say things to embarrass you. Every public outing may come with the potential for poor behavior. Do you feel like you have to hide this friend? You may, for example, not want to take this friend out to meet your parents or ignore her calls and texts when you hang out with others.
Do you look forward to seeing this person? You may find yourself dreading get togethers. It may get to the point you screen texts and calls. You may never feel 100% comfortable or happy around this person. You may find yourself on edge the entire time, waiting for something to go wrong. Even when things go right with this person, you may not really enjoy it as you spent the whole time waiting for a potential outburst.
You may feel you can’t get a word in with this person. You may try to vent about what you’re experiencing, only to have them go on about their own issues. For example, you may say something about being stressed at work. In response, your friend may say something like, “That’s nothing in comparison to my job” and begin to talk about his or her work issues.
Ask yourself difficult questions regarding why you’re staying in the relationship. Do you feel sorry for this person? Do you feel obligated to continue the friendship simply because it’s been going on for so long? Try to identify any reasons you’re considering not ending things. Accept the fact you have to do what’s right for you. There’s nothing wrong with ending a friendship if it becomes negative and draining.
You can plan a sit down talk if you want. However, you can also just send a text or email explaining how you feel. Try to formulate well and concisely what you need to say, and be direct without blaming the other person. You can use what are known as “I”-statements, in which you emphasize your feelings over objecting judgments. For example, say something like, “I feel a lack of connection between the two of us because we’re two different people. " Let the person know you appreciated the time you had, but you need to move on. For example, “I think it’s better if we go our separate ways. I’ll always value the time we had together as friends, and everything I learned from you. "
Try to take up a new hobby. Start running or swimming. Begin a craft project. Read a book.
What were the good things about the relationship? Maybe you liked someone pushing you out of your comfort zone. Maybe you enjoyed having a friend you competed with in some ways. Maybe this person reminds of someone from your past. For example, maybe your relationship with your mother was rocky. While your friend does not treat you well, he or she may remind you of your mother. In the future, try to be more aware of why you’re drawn to the people you’re drawn to.
