Other tell-tale signs of being self-absorbed and self-centered include always admiring themselves in mirrors, commenting on achievements, pressuring you to do or see things their way, and expecting instant gratification to their demands (e. g. quick answers to phone calls, texts, or requests). For instance, you find yourself hearing the same stories about your partner’s great promotion at work, even weeks or months after they have transitioned into the new role.
As a result of this tendency, you may find yourself questioning your own self-worth or feeling particularly flawed in your partner’s presence. [2] X Research source Does your partner tell you how lucky you are to be with them? Maybe they mention how many other people would love to be in your shoes, making you feel terrible about yourself.
For example, your date whines for days about how their professor treats them unfairly at school; however, they aren’t willing to notice when they treat others unkindly. They only seem to notice when they are being mistreated.
A lack of empathy explains why a narcissist can so easily inflict hurt on others. This person is virtually incapable of putting anyone else’s needs above their own; however, they may be able to “pretend” to care in situations when showing empathy works in their favor. [4] X Research source For example, your date never cares to listen about problems with your family. Yet, when they visit your mother, they say, “Oh, they never tell me what’s going on in the family! Please catch me up,” in order to get on her good side.
Your date may display a variety of responses to these negative, yet common, situations. They may demonstrate anger by having a tantrum and cursing you out or insulting you. Other narcissists go the passive-aggressive route and give the silent treatment or withhold love and affection when you don’t bend to their way of thinking. [6] X Research source Another common reaction to criticism, rejection, or disappointment is playing the victim by guilt-tripping or blaming you for negative consequences that happen in your partner’s life.
During the idealize stage, the narcissist will put their best foot forward. The person will be at their most charming and charismatic and may appear to be the perfect partner. They will idealize you, as well, placing you on a pedestal and showering you with compliments, telling you that you are better than anyone else, and they may rush intimacy, trying to get very serious with you very quickly. During the devalue stage, the euphoria evaporates and the narcissist changes. This may happen gradually or overnight. The person will become distant and may become cruel and abusive. They may cheat, lie, manipulate, and may fly into sudden rages. You may feel like you must walk on eggshells and begin to question your own behavior. You may go through many turns of this hot/cold, loves-me-loves-me-not cycle. This discard stage is when the relationship ends (sometimes temporarily). If the narcissist ends the relationship, it will likely be very abruptly, with no sense of closure. The person may give you the silent treatment and take pains to hurt you — such as removing all traces of your relationship from social media, making a big show of being happy in a new relationship, and possibly running a “smear campaign” in which they tear you down make themselves look like the victim. This may mark the end of the relationship, or the narcissist may return and the cycle can start all over again.
For instance, do you often tell your date that you are feeling used, but they laugh it off as if it’s a joke? The person seems incapable of seeing their own faults or misdeeds.
Only a trained mental health provider can adequately diagnose and treat narcissistic personality disorder. Still, noticing long-standing narcissism in a person — or hearing stories from other loved ones and friends — can give you some clues as to whether your date has a more serious personality issue. [8] X Research source
Try to have a chat with your date’s friends or family members, or reach out to coworkers or classmates. Ask these people “So, how have they treated you?” See if they share any of your concerns or complaints.
Do you notice your date getting really down in the dumps after a bad evaluation or when something doesn’t go their way? This could be a sign of the person’s sense of superiority taking a depressive dive.
Reach out to a trusted confidante by saying, “I really need to talk to someone about my relationship. Are you willing to listen?” It may also be helpful to seek out and participate in local or online support groups for those who love narcissists. Sharing your experiences with others who can relate may give you the support you need.
Ways to improve your own self-confidence include practicing self-compassion (i. e. being good to yourself and not continuing condescending language internally), making a list of your best attributes or accomplishments, spending time with people who value you, and taking good care of your health and well-being through diet, exercise, and stress-management.
Let your partner know that you will not accept insults from them. Reinforce this by pointing out disrespect or hurtful comments when this person becomes condescending. Learn how to say “no” and stand behind it. Guilt-tripping or blaming on the behalf of the narcissist can make you give in. Don’t. Let the person know “I’ve told you my answer. I no longer want to discuss this. ” Refuse to react to emotional manipulation. Ploys for your attention should be ignored; however, when your partner treats you respectfully and acknowledges your boundaries, be sure to highlight how much you appreciate this treatment. “Thank you for respecting my decision on this matter and not trying to change my mind” is a great way to let the person know you notice progress.
You may gently suggest therapy by focusing on a situational example like “Hey, babe, I’ve noticed you have been pretty upset ever since you didn’t get accepted into grad school. I think it would be a great idea if you went to see a professional to discuss your feelings about this. " This is a great way to get the person in the door, without them becoming defensive or denying the problem. Long-term talk therapy can help a narcissist understand the reasons behind his or her emotions, thoughts, and actions and, ultimately, develop more effective ways of interacting with others. If your partner has symptoms of depression or other debilitating symptoms, their mental health provider may also prescribe medication to help with treatment. [15] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
Commit to leaving the relationship fully. Avoid maintaining even minimal contact, if possible. Don’t give in to manipulations or repeated promises that they will change. Start a loving relationship with yourself to pour in the love that the narcissist may have withheld. Look to the future. Believe in your mind and heart that there are better days ahead. With time, you can find healing.
