Do you trust your partner? You should feel confident that your partner is a basically good person who wouldn’t do anything to hurt or humiliate you. This can be hard to gauge, but here’s a metric to try: If you wouldn’t trust them with any of your private thoughts or secrets, then you probably shouldn’t be sleeping together. Is your relationship mature enough to include sex? If the majority of your interactions with your partner focus on superficial things, then incorporating sex might be a bad idea. If, on the other hand, you feel like you and your partner help each other grow and improve as people, then you might consider moving on to having sex. Can you discuss sex with your partner? Think about whether or not you’ll be able to talk about things such as contraception, STIs, basic anatomy and other sex-related topics with your partner. If you can’t comfortably have this discussion with them before you have sex, then reconsider whether it’s the right choice. Would you be violating your partner’s beliefs? In addition to considering your beliefs and values, think about what your partner believes as well. If they might be subject to shunning or punishment for having sex with you, it might be best to hold off. Will you be embarrassed later about sleeping with this person? This might sound silly, but try to think ahead a few years. If you were no longer dating this person, would you be embarrassed to describe them to your future partner? If the answer is “yes” or “maybe,” consider holding out for something better.
For example, in some states it may be illegal for a 16 year old to have sex with an 18 year old.
For example, if part of your belief system is that sex should be saved for marriage, how would having premarital sex affect you? Or, if you always thought your first time would be with someone you love, how would having casual sex with someone you just like affect you?
Try talking to a trustworthy older friend or adult about your questions. If you are not comfortable with asking someone questions about sex, then you can always search the internet for answers, as well as asking your doctor, school nurse, a therapist, psychiatrist, or anyone else because they can give you more real answers than the internet. Keep in mind, though, that everyone’s opinion about sex is different.
“If you really loved me, you’d have sex with me. ” “Everyone is having sex but us. ” “I’ll be really gentle and you’ll love it. ” “You’re going to have to do it sometime. Why not now?”
“You’re a virgin?!” “I have been sexually active since I was 16. ” “You wouldn’t understand because you’ve never had sex. ” “Sex is the best thing ever. You are really missing out. ”
Try saying something like, “I think I might be ready to start having sex. How do you feel about that?” Keep in mind that even if you feel ready, your partner might not feel the same way. If your partner says they are not ready, be respectful of their choice.
Try saying something like, “I understand if you are a bit uncomfortable discussing this with me, but I would like to know more about your sexual history. Have you ever had sex before? If so, how many people? Have you ever had an STI?”
For example, do you have certain positions or other things that you want to try while having sex? Do you want to snuggle in bed for a while after sex? Do you want a monogamous relationship with your partner?
For example, you will need to decide if you are going to use dental dams/condoms alone or if you will also use birth control pills.
Be direct and try saying something like, “I am thinking about becoming sexually active. Do you have any advice for me about that?” Research shows that those who are comfortable talking to their friends about sex are more likely to be able to discuss safe sex with their partner. [17] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
If your partner protests using condoms, do not give in to the pressure. Make it clear that you are not interested in a sexual relationship unless it is a safe one. [20] X Research source You may also consider getting a vaccine to prevent HPV, which is the virus that causes genital warts and cervical cancer. Talk to your doctor about HPV vaccines like Gardasil and Cervarix.
Condoms are 82% effective against pregnancy, while birth control pills are 91% effective against pregnancy. Therefore, using condoms and birth control pills together can reduce your chances of becoming pregnant even further while still helping to protect you from STIs. [21] X Trustworthy Source Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services Go to source
